Keep Silence

It was a long weekend and I had planned to spend time with self. I was longing for this quite some time and wanted a break from the routine. Initially I thought of going for a trek through an organization but I wasn’t contented with my previous experience. I thought otherwise I will just walk like a nomad with no destination for a couple of days. I dropped it immediately considering the concrete jungle and pollution around the city. I searched for places around Bangalore in net and found an interesting blog about Tiruvannamalai and Ramana Maharshi Ashram. I decided to go there and packed my bag.

I boarded a direct bus from Silk board. All the way I was excited and was in hallucination of having a spiritual experience. Though Journey was tiring from Krishnagiri due to bad roads, the excitement kept me consoling. I reached Tiruvannamalai and walked to the temple. I have been to this temple earlier during festive seasons and it was crowded largely. Unlike those visits, I had a good darshan of the Lord this time. I was energized and got a delusion that whomever I met or spoke with is the form of Lord himself. I was in high spirits.

I left the temple in search of accommodation as it was getting dark. I wouldn’t have bothered to sleep just outside the temple but I was concerned with the office laptop which I was carrying along with me. I carried that as I had to go Chennai from Tiruvannamalai and work from there the next week. I walked to Ramana Maharshi Ashram and vedic chants were going on. It was crowded with people and there were many foreigners in saffron clothes. I couldn’t get accommodation in the ashram as it has to be booked in advance and there was no availability at that time. Later I went around the ashram and I was so attracted to one of Maharshi’s photo hanging in the new hall. I just sat looking at that photo. He was so divine. I couldn’t be there for a long time as I had to find out an accommodation for that night’s stay. So I left ashram in search of accommodation and saw a lodge on the way back to temple. It was close to temple premises and I stayed in it.

I got up early in the morning and planned to visit the temple and Ashram again. I went to temple and felt very much connected with the lord. I roamed around the temple premises and was mesmerized with its architecture and my thoughts were about the kings who built such great architecture. I saw people thronging to take darshan of Lord and there were many sadhus with calm faces sitting queitly in the temple complex. Few of them were foreigners. I wanted to spend some more time in the temple but thoughts were on my laptop which I left in the lodge. Left the temple and I quickly had breakfast and went back to the lodge, collected my back pack and vacated it.

From there, I walked to Ashram and spent some time in both old and new halls. Later I went to the backyard of Ashram and saw a way out and it read as “Way to Skandashram”. I have read about these caves in the blog as well, so I followed that way. Initially there were stairs to climb and I was walking bare foot as I left my sandals at the entrance of the Ashram. An old man coming downhill told me that I should have worn my foot wear. I replied him saying just ‘No problem’. I have read in the blog about few fake guides and that’s the reason I didn’t entertain the old man. I walked few steps ahead and felt the heat. Found difficult to keep a step ahead as it was noon and moreover it was real sunny that day. I didn’t want to go back, so I continued assuming that I would reach the ashram soon.

I walked keeping legs on the shady places but after few feet it was only rock. I was sweating heavily and my backpack seemed heavy now. I didn’t even carry water bottle as I had no plan to go to Skandashram until I saw the signboard. I was walking all alone up hill and occasionally met few people coming downhill. I got some water to quench my thirst from a middle aged man and I enquired him about the distance to reach Ashram, he asked me to take break and walk. After walking few feet, I saw a group of Gray langurs in the middle of the path. I was scared to cross them and waited until they move away. Meanwhile, I was inquiring myself, do I need to fear? I prayed to lord and after sometime I saw a man coming uphill. He also was not ready to go alone seeing the langurs and then we both crossed them together. After that he stayed back under a shade and I went ahead. Though little difficult, It was beautiful and adventurous to walk all alone in the middle of the forest. View of the city from the hill was also looking amazing. After covering some distance, I saw few kids selling water bottle and butter milk. I purchased water and asked the kid to take my snaps. They said that I have almost reached the Ashram.

In short time, I reached the Ashram and it was damn hot inside the cave. I couldn’t sit inside for long time as I was sweating. There were few pictures of Maharishi and books in all languages in the cave. I came out and looked around. I saw a small waterfall from the hill and tasted the water. It was natural. Then I saw the man who stopped by also reaching the cave and smiled at him.

There was a water tap and I filled my water bottle and washed myself. I saw a boy standing next to me waiting for his turn and he was the one who was selling water on the path. I started a conversation with him enquiring about his school. He said that he sells water and eatables during vacations and he is studying in IXth standard. Later I asked him about the water fall and where does this water goes? Do they conserve it? He said that no conservation happens and it goes waste. I kept asking him one or the other question like is there a different route going downhill. As the conversation continued, I became loud unknowingly. Suddenly the kid stopped me and said, “Brother, Please talk slowly and maintain silence. It’s a meditation place”. His words “Maintain silence” went direct to my head. I was dumb struck and kept silent gazing the city view for a long time. My mind was still with no thoughts. I was silent and the atmosphere around me was silent. That’s when I realized that Silence is bliss and soothing.

I left the Ashram and came down to the City and boarded a bus to Chennai. I inquired myself about the whole trip. I realized that my mind was not silent and that’s the reason I went through worry (of loosing things), distrust, fear, excitement and many such feelings and missed the bliss.

Keep silence.

Toll Booth

It was Friday morning and I was rushing to toll booth. I had joined a week before as a toll collector and was still in the learning phase of handling the machine and different drivers. It’s one of the busiest toll stations between two metro cities, so I anticipated a hectic day as it was a long weekend.

I reached the booth and was asked by my supervisor to man a cash lane that day for the first time. I was bit nervous as I heard from my seniors that manning a cash lane on a hectic day would be really hard. I went into the cabin and took charge from Joe. He was tired and was looking feeble after night shift when he handed over the system to me. I made sure there were enough coins in the cash box to give change.

A brand new sedan was in the queue and there was a family of four with a child. People in the car were looking delightful in their attire. Elderly couple was playing with the child and the child was beaming. Guy in the driver seat gave me exact change and said in a courteous tone “Two ways Please”, I gave him the receipt and he had asked me directions for “water world”. It’s a theme park, 10 miles ahead from the booth. I gave him the directions and he thanked me. Kid in the car happily waved his hand and said “bye” to me. My mood turned jubilant with the family’s warmth and my nervousness went away. I thought that it’s going to be a great day ahead.

I kept smiling and wished the drivers a “very good morning” while handing over the receipts. Most of them responded back with a big smile. Though few didn’t respond back, their faces turned cheery. There came a couple in a bright red car but their faces were dull. I could sense that all is not well with them. I wished them a great morning and didn’t get any response. That guy gave me the cash and asked for “one way”. I collected the cash and generated the receipt. I took the green marker and wrote on a card board in big letters “Today is a present. Cheer up!!!” I showed that board to them and made a funny face. I could see a small smile on their faces now and the guy took the receipt and left. I felt that I have mastered my job. I thanked the family that came in the morning as it all started with them.

I was doing well with my job. Supervisor came and appreciated me for handling the job well. I took a break for lunch keeping a temporary staff at the cabin. Post lunch, the queue swelled up in the lane as most of the people started their weekend travel. I tried to be in the same spirit, but in the hurriedness to clear the queue fast, I missed it.

It was around 4 PM in the evening and the queue was never diminishing. I called for a tea and the attendant served it hot in my cabin. I sipped it while generating receipts. I looked outside the cabin window when I heard a continuous honking. It was from an SUV who was behind the 3rd car in the line and he was making some signs to me. I ignored and got back to work. After few minutes, I could hear the honking sound going up. I thought him to be a mad person. I took a sip of tea from the cup and looked at the window. This guy in SUV was looking at me with fierce eyes and said in a loud voice “You stupid, I am in a hurry, open the gate”. I got very angry hearing the word “Stupid”. I asked him to mind his words and said that he is a “stupid”. He got more anger and started blaming me for passing time drinking tea belatedly. I asked him to pay up and leave the place but he showed an ID card and said that he is exempted from toll fees and asked me to open the gate. I checked the ID card and found it to be expired a month back. I asked him to pay the fee as the card has expired. He hesitated to pay saying that he is the relative of a minister and threatened me of facing dire consequences for this act. All of a sudden, his companion sitting next to him came out of the vehicle and pushed me through the cabin window. I lost my control by that time and threw the hot tea over his face. Things went worse with that and my supervisor and other staff had rushed and held both of us. After some ruckus, my supervisor let that guy and his companion go and asked me to get back to Cabin.

I was disturbed, angry and fuming. Vehicles started moving in the Queue and I treated the drivers very harshly. One guy politely asked for one way giving me thousand rupee notes. I had the change to give him but I yelled at him to look for change. He asked his friend in the car to look for change but his friend also didn’t have. I asked him to wait for sometime after crossing the gate and made him wait for around 20 minutes. I felt uneasy for behaving like that but still some sort of irritation was in my mind. I finished my day and handed over the cash box and cabin to Kiran.

I was walking back to my home and remembered the day at work. I thought how we are influenced by the feelings or moods of people around us. We normally take the emotions as well while communicating with people. I felt they are very contagious than a virus. I decided to have a stable mind irresistible to others moods. I made a conscious effort to have that stability. Sometimes I failed and sometimes succeeded, but I never gave up and still make a continuous effort with a gentle smile.

Keep cheering.

We are too busy to see him

Siddhartha is busy capturing few screenshots for a document which has to be sent to the user today. He did it hurriedly, as he saw his colleague Ganesh waiting for him to leave.

He looks at the watch it’s already 10 minutes past 6 PM. They both travel to office together by an auto rickshaw to avoid driving during peak hours. Ganesh yelled “Come on Sid, Manohar has already arrived and is waiting for us”.

Siddhartha finished his work and left office along with Ganesh. They see the clouds dark grey in colour and anticipated heavy rain today same as last evening.

Manohar sarcastically asked, did you guys sleep in the office? Ganesh replied that Sid was ‘Hardly working….. … I mean working hard… ’. It started raining and as they reached half way, it turned into a heavy downpour with strong winds. Huge traffic piled up as roads got flooded and vehicles moved at snail pace.

All three got little drenched though Manohar has kept plastic tarpaulin in the sides of rickshaw. Water logging increased significantly as it was pouring. Manohar drove slowly dodging the potholes on the road. After sometime the vehicle comes to a standstill. Siddhartha sees a guy on the bike completely drenched and standing in the traffic. He thinks of the biker’s plight in these rains and the dangers due to open drains. He expressed this to Ganesh and they started conversing about the bad civic amenities.

Manohar looks around and sees a kid falling into drain along with his grandmother. He says it loudly that a kid has fallen, Ganesh and Siddhartha is shocked but they couldn’t see due to side tarpaulin. Suddenly they hear a loud scream. They hear a woman grieving and howling for help. Siddhartha jumps out of the rickshaw to see what is happening and he sees a kid and an old lady getting washed away in the drain. He ran towards the drain shouting for help and tried to hold the lady but he couldn’t due to the force of water and fell down. He didn’t know what to do as the water flow is so intense and they went ahead of him. He got up and started running shouting for help. His heart is pounding and he is screaming like hell when he sees a stone which lay on the drain ahead. Suddenly a man came from opposite direction and got into the drain holding the sides of walls strongly. Another man got into the drain and stood behind the first man in a few meters distance. On seeing this Siddhartha ran fast and held the first man, so that he doesn’t loosen the grip. More crowds joined and the man lifted the kid from the drain and gave to the people. People in the crowd patted on kid’s back, everybody felt relieved to see the kid alive. Then they got hold of the old lady and lifted her up from the drain. All this while the old lady was screaming and her daughter was also screaming running back. Now when the crowd said everything is fine and not to worry, the old lady looked for another kid. The crowd became tensed and Siddhartha went running to see if the kid is there in the drain. At that moment Manohar came saying that he kept other kid safely in the nearby restaurant. Actually, the whole family fell in the drain but the old lady’s daughter was able to hold the current and come out. That’s when she gave the kid to Manohar and he kept him safe.

Siddhartha went running to the restaurant to see the other kid handed over to her grandmother. He sees the family together and tells them to be careful. He felt good that no one lost their life but screaming of old lady was still echoing in his ears. He is still in shock and stood still in the road completely drenched. Manohar asks him to get into the rickshaw and they leave the place as the traffic started moving. All three of them were very silent. Siddhartha was emotionally hurt seeing the plight of that family and he tells that if that man wouldn’t have jumped into drain, the kid would have died. He feels painful emotionally and cries. Ganesh says that it’s God’s will they are saved.

Siddhartha listens to him and in his mind he says thanks to God. He feels to hug him tight and cry. He asks a question within himself wiping his teary eyes where are you? After few minutes, once he comes out of that shock, he hears an inner voice in him saying that “I was just around. You came and held me”. Siddhartha smiles and says “We are too busy to notice him and he is always just around us”.